1970: Vampires Are Like Cats


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Read after [Draft] Blood Moon 06 / NEVER IF YOU VALUE YOUR SANITY.

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Point of View: Leo
Featured Characters: Leo Lanier, Michael Hightower
Word Count: 1,300

Cocaine is a hell of a drug.


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“Hoooooooly shit, where did you even get this?” Leo blinked blearily up at the ceiling. “Fuck. I can’t feel my face.”

“Don’t be crass,” Michael murmured with a slur. It was amazing how he managed to sound like a pretentious douche even when he was laced out of his gourd. He rolled over onto his stomach and slipped off the couch in the process, catching himself with the flat of his hands against the plush carpet. His fingers twined through the rust-colored shag, gripping tight. “S’fine. It’ll all be fine. I’m fine.”

Leo knew that wasn’t a good answer, somewhere in the back of his mind, but he couldn’t stay focused enough to really process it. Probably because he’d downed far more liquor than would kill a normal man and topped it off with a brick of cocaine. The coke was a bit more hardcore than Leo’s typical bender entailed, but… it actually hadn’t been his idea. Weirdly, Michael was the one who’d produced it from God knew where after they’d stumbled their way back to their dingy no-tell motel room. Yeah, that was weird.

He probably should press him about it.

I’m not fine,” he protested instead, tugging at the hem of his shirt. It was clinging to his skin, saturated through with sweat and the stink of booze and probably a few other fluids. If Leo’s nose weren’t ablaze and clogged with hot nothing at the moment he was pretty sure he’d reek like hell. “I’m gross. I mean I feel amazing but these clothes are grody as fuck, man.”

“Take a shower.”

“I can’t take a fucking shower, this is a motel room. You know what happens in motel room showers?”

Michael lifted his head from where he’d been watching his hands pick the carpet to pieces, giving Leo a blank look.

“Dude. Seriously, no, that shit’s gross.” Leo could already feel the germs crawling all over him, wriggling all across his skin. He rubbed frantically at his arms, trying to brush them off.

He was so preoccupied that he forgot all about Michael until he heard the most traumatizing sentence ever uttered.

“I could clean you up,” his cousin suggested.

Leo’s head tipped back against the leg of the couch.

“What,” he said. It wasn’t a question. His voice was flat, officially much more sober than he’d been a minute ago.

“Vampires are like cats,” was Michael’s absolutely insane and completely left-field reply. He stared at Leo with hugely dilated eyes, shifting up onto his elbows. “I could groom you.”

Leo returned his gaze in unmasked horror.

“What. The fuck even. No, you are not gr-”

He didn’t succeed in getting the words out before Michael wiggled in the most bizarre fashion and pounced. Leo moved faster than he ever had in his whole un-life (he could probably thank the coke for that, holy SHIT) and Michael still managed to zip across the room and tackle him backward against bathroom door. The wood split and splintered behind his back, nearly giving entirely.

“Cats do it to bond,” said Michael, with all the earnestness that Leo hadn’t seen from him in a hundred years. It brought him up short, his lips parting.

Michael must have sensed the moment of weakness for what it was.

He leaned forward and a hot, wet tongue lashed the corner of Leo’s chin.

“Eurgh!” was the approximate noise he made. He jabbed his fingers into Michael’s ribs, but the guy was apparently determined as fuck, because he wouldn’t shove off. Michael licked again, right across the side of Leo’s face. It felt weird. Leo did NOT appreciate this kind of bonding experience.

Except then Michael had to go be a bastard and ruin everything.

“I miss you,” he told Leo, in the tone of a man facing the gallows like a dramatic asshole. His breath tickled behind Leo’s ear. “I know you hate me but if I’m a cat you don’t have to hate me.”

What. The fuck even. Was this bullshit.

“…Ohhhhhhh my god,” groaned Leo, clapping a hand over his eyes. “I’m totally not even high enough for this but okay, be a fucking cat, you little psycho. Oh god, what the fuck.”

He was kind of hoping he was just so high he was hallucinating the whole thing. There was no way this was real.

Leo’s tacit permission seemed to be all Michael needed. His tongue swiped down Leo’s neck and then back up to his cheek in short licks. It actually was pretty cat-like, truth be told, except cat tongues felt sandpapery and not… like smooth, slimy human tongues. Kind of made it hard to forget it was Michael doing this. Leo had done a lot of weird shit in his time but this might have taken the cake.

It was all just barely okay (he probably would need therapy, but it wasn’t that big of a crisis) until he felt heat and wetness brush straight across his lips. Leo sputtered and finally shoved with all of his might. Michael went crashing across the room.

“Noooo,” Leo slurred. “Nope. Nuh-uh. We’re not doing that anymore. We are not gonna be kissing cousins.”

“It’s not like-”

“NOPE. This shitshow of a relationship is fucked up enough without adding weird cat roleplay incest into the mix.”

“FUCK YOU,” Michael screeched, loud enough that Leo winced.

Ohhh, shit.

Leo was not prepared for this. Michael went from zero to sixty on a good day these days, and that was without copious amounts of narcotics pumping through his system. Why the fuck had Leo let him snort cocaine? How fucking drunk was he?

Oh yeah. Really fucking drunk.

He still really was, which was why he barely dodged when Michael launched the ratty sofa across the motel room. Leo scrambled and stumbled out of the way, grabbing onto the corner of the nightstand to keep his balance- and drag it around in front of him for some kind of cover.

“Michael…”

“Go fuck yourself, you deviant little whore,” Michael snarled, eyes wild and bulging. “I’m not filthy like you, I’m not, I’m not.”

“Okay, I’m sorry, I miss the cat,” Leo stammered. “Shit, let’s go back to the cat. We can both be cats.”

In answer, Michael charged. Leo saw a flash of fang as he barreled toward him. Thankfully, Leo was faster this time. He rolled out of the way and circled back around to grab Michael around the waist, struggling to keep hold of the thrashing vampire. The two went down together in a pile of limbs. Leo spat out bits of orange shag carpet as he pinned Michael to the floor.

“Let me go, Leo,” hissed Michael. Leo was kind of surprised he was still articulate enough for words. Usually he just sort of forgot how to talk.

“No can do, buttercup,” Leo chirped back. He almost laughed. This whole situation was hilarious in the worst way. He sat down on Michael’s back with his full weight.

Then Michael actually hissed. Straight-up hissed. Jesus.

“Right,” said Leo, resigning himself to the fact that this was just his life now. “My bad. Let’s bond. You’re right, this is totally sane and healthy and not weird or full of subtext at all.”

With that, he leaned down and licked the back of Michael’s neck, right along the spine.

The crazy thing was that it actually worked. A few wiggles of his tongue and Michael started breathing again, and then he stopped trying to buck Leo off of him. Within minutes, there was a perfectly docile vampire sprawled on the floor.

“This is going to be so fucking awkward in the morning,” Leo muttered against Michael’s skin.

Michael… thank God… didn’t answer.
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